she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
