he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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