That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
