I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
