My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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