Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You pole danced in your parka.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
