Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
