When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
