if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Me too!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize