i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
