i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
