Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
