just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
