Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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