chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He better not be in your backpack
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize