I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
