the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
