so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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