I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
