You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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