you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
