man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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