It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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