Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
