it hurts more in the daytime
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
