i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
