people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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