see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
