Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
