And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
