I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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