Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize