Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
