the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
