Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
