Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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