I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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