I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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