booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I want is dick and wine.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
