I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
