a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
