my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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