The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
