We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
