We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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