i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
