she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
