Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
