Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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