he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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