I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
