Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
