The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
