I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
