im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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