I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
