Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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