Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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