there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
