Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
