i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
