i just made my gag reflex go away.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
