dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
