If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
