your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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