I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
