I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
