If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
