I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
