We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
