You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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