Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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