Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
