I seem to have left my pride at pride
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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