just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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