I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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