Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
