I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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